A Spirit-Filled Upbringing

A Spirit-filled upbringing is seen in children who obey joyfully and in parents who are committed to raising them.

In Ephesians 6:1–4, the apostle Paul shows what life in Christ looks like within the family. We live in a world full of parenting models: philosophies, methods, and advice, and above all, an avalanche of content on social media. God has provided the Word of God to shape and correct hearts. A sufficient and wise guide for forming homes that glorify him.

This passage does not only help those who are raising children at home. It also shapes the whole church to love and serve: singles, young adults, couples without children, grandparents, widows, and those whose children no longer live at home can remember these truths and strengthen families as they walk with Christ.

The whole church can support families in very practical ways: celebrating children, showing patience when there is disorder, and encouraging and walking with parents through the process.

Children who obey in the Lord (Ephesians 6:1–3)

Paul speaks directly to children. That reminds us that children are not spectators. They are also part of the church that hears the Word and responds to it.

The instruction is clear and simple: obey and honor dad and mom. This is not a call to merely external obedience, but to an obedience that honors. It is not expressed through complaining, eye-rolling, or tantrums.

Paul also gives reasons to motivate children:

Because this is right. Calling for obedience “in the Lord” is not arbitrary. It is good and right. Not seeking that obedience would be unjust.

Because there is a promise. The command to honor father and mother comes with a promise: “so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.” This does not mean a total absence of suffering, sickness, or pain. Rather, disobedience puts a child in danger, while honoring and obeying forms wisdom and protects from many sins.

Also, when children fail, the text points to something important: the problem is not only behavior, but the heart. That is why the final answer is to go to Jesus with repentance and faith. No one will be a perfect child, but Jesus was. And the good news is that Christ died for disobedient sinners, to forgive and transform.

Parents committed to raising their children (Ephesians 6:4)

After speaking to children, Paul instructs parents: “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

This instruction restores the value of children and also the dignity of fatherhood and motherhood. In a context where paternal authority could be harsh and used to abuse, the gospel sets boundaries and defines a kind of leadership that builds up.

The command brings two challenges:

Do not provoke them to anger

Discipline can become destructive when it is done “tit for tat,” when disobedience is taken personally, or when it is imposed excessively.

Common ways of provoking children to anger include:

• Forgetting that they are children.

• Comparing them with others.

• Being inconsistent (sometimes yes, sometimes no).

• Threatening consequences and not following through.

• Disproportionate punishments.

• Disciplining for unbiblical reasons (for example, punishing an accident).

• Pressuring children to fulfill the parents’ goals, dreams, or objectives.

The call is to a parenting that is just, loving, consistent, patient, and full of grace.

Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord

Discipline implies real training, with boundaries and consequences, and it is an expression of love. Scripture says it clearly: “He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently” (Proverbs 13:24). Also: “For the Lord disciplines the one he loves” (Hebrews 12:6).

Instruction implies verbal teaching: counsel, warning, and direction. It is not only correction. It is formation.

This discipleship is not delegated, not paused, and not omitted. The church and children’s ministry can help, but they do not replace the responsibility of the home. That is why parents are encouraged to use the church’s resources, ask what children are learning, and reinforce it throughout the week.

That is why it is not delegated or postponed: children are like wet concrete, and that window for shaping them does not last forever.

Among the practical disciplines emphasized:

• Attending church consistently on Sundays.

• Seeking community and family life with other people in the church.

• Teaching them about Jesus again and again: the grand story of redemption, connecting the Bible to Christ, and regularly presenting the gospel.

And in the middle of this weight, there are also moments when you realize you failed. After disciplining a child, your spouse might ask a question that confronts you for days: “Are you using the same patience the Father has toward you with your children?” That moment puts flesh on the message: when a dad or mom fails, the point is not to hide or carry endless guilt, but to return to the Father, repent, and keep raising children with hope.

Conclusion

This passage does not only confront. It also comforts. Parenting will not be perfect, and that becomes obvious often. But there is hope in the gospel: the Father is perfect in his love, patience, and discipline, and his Spirit dwells in believers to help them raise their children.

Be careful with parenting philosophies that ignore that we all have hearts that go astray, and with social media full of “experts.” A view that assumes children are “good” by nature contradicts the Bible’s teaching about sin and the need for a Savior.

Parenting can feel overwhelming. And it is important to say it clearly: parenting will not be perfect. But the gospel sustains parents and children.

There is hope when parents recognize their need for God’s patience, and when they look to the perfect Father who corrects with love and instructs with his Word. And there is hope when children look to the obedient Son, Jesus Christ, who died for sinners and gives forgiveness and new life.

A Spirit-filled upbringing is seen in children who obey joyfully and in parents who are committed to raising them.